I have invented a new game …
America’s NEW Favorite Pastime: ULTIMATE FIGHTING
BASEBALL
Rules & Regulations
Rule #1: No cups, no mouth guard, no protective gear
whatsoever. UFB is not for chickenshit
mama's boys.
Rule #2: As you slide into a base,
you have to punch the baseman in the nuts or you are OUT!
Rule #3: A foul ball is any hit not intentionally aimed
at someone's face.
Rule #4: If a batter hits a single, the catcher must
bitch-slap the pitcher once. Twice for a double. Three times for a triple. In the event of a homerun, the catcher must
break the pitcher's nose.
Rule #5: If a batter is tagged out, while trying to
steal a base, his team must shout profanities at him as he returns to the
bench.
Rule #6: A line-drive to a fielder's nutsack is an
immediate grand-slam, regardless of how many batters are on base.
Rule #7: Umpires are encouraged to kick the players.
Rule #8: If you don't slide into a base, when you
should have, and are tagged out, your teammates may call a time out to drag you
through the gravel.
Rule #9: A baseman not in possession of the ball may
slow a runner by tripping or fish-hooking.
Rule #10: The medic shall only be equipped with salt
& cyanide. If you can't take it, you are an embarrassment to the American
people & deserve to die.
Rule #11: Tie games are decided by a
sudden-death punch off between the opposing captains' mothers.
~
It's not whether you win or lose, that matters, it's how badly you maim your
opponents.
Now go out there and WIN, you f'ricking pansies.
God Bless America.
