America’s NEW Favorite Pastime: ULTIMATE FIGHTING
BASEBALL
Rules & Regulations
Rule #1: No cups, no mouth guard, no protective gear
whatsoever. UFB is not for chickenshit
mama's boys.
Rule #2: As you slide into a base, you have to punch the baseman in the nuts or you are OUT!
Rule #3: A foul ball is any hit not intentionally aimed at someone's face.
Rule #4: If a batter hits a single, the catcher must bitch-slap the pitcher once. Twice for a double. Three times for a triple. In the event of a homerun, the catcher must break the pitcher's nose.
Rule #5: If a batter is tagged out, while trying to steal a base, his team must shout profanities at him as he returns to the bench.
Rule #6: A line-drive to a fielder's nutsack is an immediate grand-slam, regardless of how many batters are on base.
Rule #7: Umpires are encouraged to kick the players.
Rule #8: If you don't slide into a base, when you should have, and are tagged out, your teammates may call a time out to drag you through the gravel.
Rule #9: A baseman not in possession of the ball may slow a runner by tripping or fish-hooking.
Rule #10: The medic shall only be equipped with salt & cyanide. If you can't take it, you are an embarrassment to the American people & deserve to die.
Rule #11: Tie games are decided by a sudden-death punch off between the opposing captains' mothers.
~Rule #2: As you slide into a base, you have to punch the baseman in the nuts or you are OUT!
Rule #3: A foul ball is any hit not intentionally aimed at someone's face.
Rule #4: If a batter hits a single, the catcher must bitch-slap the pitcher once. Twice for a double. Three times for a triple. In the event of a homerun, the catcher must break the pitcher's nose.
Rule #5: If a batter is tagged out, while trying to steal a base, his team must shout profanities at him as he returns to the bench.
Rule #6: A line-drive to a fielder's nutsack is an immediate grand-slam, regardless of how many batters are on base.
Rule #7: Umpires are encouraged to kick the players.
Rule #8: If you don't slide into a base, when you should have, and are tagged out, your teammates may call a time out to drag you through the gravel.
Rule #9: A baseman not in possession of the ball may slow a runner by tripping or fish-hooking.
Rule #10: The medic shall only be equipped with salt & cyanide. If you can't take it, you are an embarrassment to the American people & deserve to die.
Rule #11: Tie games are decided by a sudden-death punch off between the opposing captains' mothers.
It's not whether you win or lose, that matters, it's how badly you maim your opponents.
Now go out there and WIN, you f'ricking pansies.
God Bless America.
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